Friday, June 26, 2015
Singin' a New Song
I've come to realize that, forever, I've been whining about how hard my job is and how many hours I work and how, if I weren't working so hard, I could actually train in a worthwhile manner. I could be a contender! I've been singing that song for a long time, and then ... one of our competitors called me last week to see if I was interested in jumping ship, in coming to work for them. It would be an easier, more manageable, far less stressful job, with more regular hours; it would be basically the job I had when Martin was here and he and I trained like maniacs all year and I had my best race results ever. So I thought about it for about one minute and then said thanks, but no thanks.
That made me understand that, for all my whining, I love my difficult stressful challenging job, I love the exciting projects I get to work on, I love realizing that there is an almost infinite capacity to learn more and improve, I love the feeling sometimes of being barely able to keep my head above water, and evidently I love all that more than I love the ability to train. It's not like I'm that great of a skier, and maybe I'm not even all that much of an athlete, truth be told! So it isn't a big deal, whether I train seriously for something or not. Right? But for sure I am officially done complaining about not having enough time; I had a chance to make a change and I didn't take it, so I will now lie in the bed I made.
But then ... I got my confirmation from the American Birkie and I am in wave seven again, which is better than I deserve. After my abysmal race this winter, I deserve to be in wave 100. But I'm getting another chance at wave seven, and deep inside, a tiny little spark flares up again and says, okay, maybe I can't complain, but I can try, can't I? Yes, I can try.